Two years

Two years:

Today marks our daughter's 2nd Gotcha Day anniversary (or as our dear friend Maylee Beezir refers to as Family Day). Most of the time I don't think about how Allie joined our family - it's as if she's always been here. The transitional period was not always pretty - and at times it was well, ugly. When Allison joined our family - she was weak, thin, delayed developmentally and ALWAYS needed to be held to avoid implosion. Today, she is a strong, healthy, bright little ball of sunshine, who still ALWAYS likes to be held. What a cuddle bug. She can light a room with her sunny personality and radiant smile.

Gotcha Day is a reminder of how our daughter joined our family and how far we've come. It makes me stop and appreciate that she is with us and how lucky we are. We have been so blessed. (Gotcha Day also gives us one more reason to celebrate and get together with our China family.)

.....and that's a wrap:

I feel like I've met some amazing blog friends, and some IRL. But, with most things, this blog has come to an end (update: long hiatus). There just isn't enough time in the day with two small kids, school, dogs, yadayadayada to keep updating. I will be keep following the blogs of my new (and not so new) friends along with blogs of some cool waiting Moms - as I'm much to nosey to miss their referral announcements - not to mention they need all the support they can get.

***BTW, that creature Scott was holding is a conch (so we were told by a 10 yr old at the beach). Pretty gross, huh. Can you believe people eat these things? Yep, as fritters.

Thanks George....

(...the top picture is the letter from the White House signed by George W, his hand must get really tired. ;0) ......the last picture is of the pledge said by all new citizens .....the flags the munchkins are holding are given to all new citizens, and their siblings, I guess)

Finally, Allison is a citizen! Me and the kiddoes schlepped into Philadelphia today for Allie's citizenship ceremony. It was miserably hot and parking is horrendous (and that's being kind). I felt like I was Chevy Chase in European Vacation - passing our destination over, and over, and over, and over again. All the while I have back-seat-driver Brent telling me (every time we passed the Immigration office) that I passed it again and could I just hurry up and park. Did I mention that I loathe driving in the city without a co-pilot (and the 7 yr old in the backseat doesn't count)? With a co-pilot to navigate, I still don't like it, but it's bearable. Anyhoo, I digress. Here are a few pics (my camera's smokin').

****BTW, if you're wondering why it has taken us nearly two years from Allison's Gotcha Day to get proof of her citizenship - well, I'd like to understand that too. This is the result of both parents (moi) not traveling. We had to readopt Allie in the States, which was done immediately after her coming home. From there we had to wait for her adoption decree (it took about 8 wks) and submit it, along with other paperwork, to immigration and file for proof of citizenship - at a lovely bargain of over $600. Nope, there's not an extra zero there. More $$ for the government to burn.

Immigration cashed our check almost 18 months ago, but there is a "backlog" (Ya think?). Oops, I'm sounding a little bitter. Wanna know why? Can't get a SS card without her proof of citizenship. Which means, can't claim her on our taxes without her SS#. Yep, that really sucked. Luckily, a few months back Scott and I, frustrated about another tax season passing without being able to file for the adoption credit, hiked to the SS office & low and behold their system was down and the nice man manually applied for her card, bypassing the cross match with Homeland Sec's system, and we got her card. My reason for sharing this lovely loop hole that happens when only one parent travels is for anyone who may be considering this so they know what can happen when they return and its implications.

Referral anniversary

Two years ago we got THE CALL. I remember that surreal moment like it was yesterday, hearing the words "Congratulations, you have a daughter..." - then, we anxiously waited for her referral picture to come via email (I obsessively wore out the refresh button) and this is the face that took our breath away:

Two years later, cuter than ever:

How did we get so lucky?

racism and friends

First, I want to start off by saying a few things that I've learned from being a mother. One, when my child(ren) hurts - it hurts me more. Two, when someone hurts my child(ren) - I want to go for the jugular. Three (since my daughter is of a minority race), when someone says nasty racial remarks/jokes - I am offended (Seriously offended. 10X more offended than if something was said about me.). Which leads me to my story...

I have a friend, M, who is really nice, thoughtful and fun to hang out with. We live in the same town, our husbands get along and we have kids of similar ages who also like playing with each other. But. But, she is known to make derogatory remarks about black people (and she uses the 'N' word, GULP). Not daily, but often enough. Seriously. When she uses the 'N' word, she'll turn to me and try to explain that she doesn't feel that way about "Chinese people" just blacks. She'll then say "you know what I mean". My response is "well, ummm, no, not really - I'm not racist." This is a concept she has a real hard time accepting/understanding. In a diplomatic, but not so effective, manner I've tried to help her understand that I am uncomfortable when she uses racial slurs.

As a white woman, I have never had to personally experience prejudiced behavior. Don't get me wrong, I've experienced torment for many things as a child. I grew up (until high school) very poor while going to a 'rich' school, on a free ride. I know what it's like to be different. But, these racist slurs and/or jokes that fly out of M's mouth make me crazy. I really like this person otherwise. That must sound insane, huh.

I'm not unrealistic, I know I can't change someone else's behavior, but I'm at a loss. Our families get along, and she treats my children very well, but I'm not sure what to do. Honestly, this behavior seems so out of character for this person. It wasn't until we became good friends that I guess she felt comfortable enough to show this side of her - at which point, I liked her and her family. I mean, really, if such comments flew out of her mouth on one of our first encounters, I wouldn't have given her the time of day. But, that's not the case. I am trying to see past this. Do I just let it go?

Not my finest hour....

Let me start off by saying that I am very proud of my daughter, her heritage and how she joined our family. I think adoption rocks and I'm very open about it. However, I do get annoyed when we are out and about, doing normal family things, and strange(rs) feel the need to quiz us on our family planning choices.

You'd think that I'd be used to it by now, but seriously, the older Allie gets, the less I appreciate the questions. Not only because we are just going about our life, I don't want our daughter to feel like a spectacle or accessory without the right for privacy. Just because our family came together in an nontraditional way, we are just an average family and I really don't feel the need to be an open book. All. The. Time. When my daughter isn't around and adoption comes up, I'm all about it - very open to questions and willing to share my views on adoption and how it's an awesome way to build a family. The only details I avoid are about Allison's abandonment, since they are for her to divulge, if she ever chooses to do so.

So, whenever we are approached and asked (although we're never asked) to play the adoption, why China 20 questions game, I always try to remain gracious and polite, mainly for my daughters sake. But, that doesn't mean that I'm not thinking about what I'd really like to say about their lack of social graces.

Usually the conversation starts goes like this:
Strange(r): staring at the white woman (me) with Asian child (Allie)
Me: avoiding eye contact or just blow off with brief smile
Strange(r): "Your baby is cute" ignoring my 'cute' son if he's there (but, that's not what the conversation is really about)
Me: "Thank you"
Strange(r): "How old is she?"
Me: "Two" or "Two, and my son is seven" (if Brent is with us) I'm feeling it....here it comes...
Strange(r): "Where is she from?"
Me: "China" or lately, Allison sometime responds "China baby, yeahhhhh!"
Strange(r): either ends conversation, or continues with their story of folks they know who have adopted, or asks intrusive questions - often questioning why I didn't adopt from the US.
Me: try to act like an air-headed-distracted mom who has to run (although it's not a far stretch), all the while keeping a friendly tone and smile plastered on my face.

Rewind to last week, a review of my finest hour (NOT):
location: grocery store - with Allie in the cart (Brent's in school)
Strange(r): doing the stare
Me: not taking the bait, avoiding eye contact. I have PMS and Allison is squirmy in the cart - closing in on naptime. I'm trying to make it to the checkout before the meltdown.
Strange(r): pushes her cart next to me and says "Where's she from?"
Me: thinking 'Huh, no segway? Humor me please.' My PMS-y reply "our hometown"
Strange(r): "What country?"
Me: still PMSing "Why do you ask?"
Strange(r): "Oh, I have a grown daughter from Korea and two beautiful new grandchildren from Korea."
Me: Gulp! Looking for exit or hole to climb into. From there I did a real bang-up job trying to back pedal out of my ignorant comment. Good God, the only time I've ever been flip, is to another a-parent AND grandparent. Could I have felt like a bigger ass? Let me answer that - NOPE.

Note to self: even if PMSing - BE NICE!

The referral bug

Before Scott & I were married we talked a lot about family & what we envisioned our lives to be like - how many kids, public or private schools, SAHM vs. working mom, city or suburbs, etc. Even though we planned and I knew I wanted to have a family, I never had 'baby bug.' You know what I'm talking about - women flocking to stollers, going weak at the knees at the little bundles inside. I often wondered what was wrong with me. Wasn't I mommy material? But I knew I wanted a family that included kids. Anyhoo, after being married we decided to start trying for a baby. I wanted to get pregnant so badly - but seeing another baby still didn't send me into the baby frenzy. At times I wondered if I wasn't getting pregnant because I didn't have that infatuation with everything baby like my sisters, friends and coworkers did. Was there something wrong with me?

After many years of trying to get pregnant & lots of oh-so-fun-and-invasive fertility treatments, it worked. We were elated. Alas, I'd surely get the baby bug now. Nope. It just didn't happen. Don't get me wrong, I loved (and still love) my son more than life itself, but I never went gushy over babies, even after I had my own. I hope it doesn't sound cold to say that I was not sad to see my son's toddler years approach. Interacting with a child who communicates, immitates and plays is much more my thing. I definitely enjoyed being a mom more when my son was no longer a baby. Odd, I know.

Well, I may not ever get that baby bug - but I sure do have the referral bug. When referrals come out or I hear someone who is freshly DTC - OMG, I just want to start paperchasing again. I'm such a planner, not usually impulsive - but that's all down the crapper when I see those referral photos (yep, even with the 20 layers of puffy clothes and stoic expressions on their faces - even with the weird backdrops). God help me. I'm like an addict - obsessively checking message boards, offering sappy congrats to the new parents, who I don't know; crying at their excitement; checking message boards; dreaming of when we could start the process again.

It would be such a bad idea to add another child into our picture right now - I'm in school, Allison is so young and realistically I know my limitations. But, it still itches. Where and when does it end? Is there a support group for people like me? Maybe a patch I can wear? Oh my - this is one big ass bug, and it bit me hard.

For now, I'll settle for living vicariously through others - anxiously waiting for CCAA to send out the next batch of referrals & making more dreams come true.

1st Anniversary of Gotcha Day!

Today is our first anniversary of Allison's Gotcha Day. I can't believe a year has passed. It honestly feels like just yesterday we were anxiously waiting for our referral and then travel approval; and yet, it seems as if Allie has always been a part of our family. She is such a fun-loving child and she just loves life. Her favorite things are swimming, sand, Barney (she looooves the songs), music, dancing, fruit (especially apples), cuddling, outdoors, swings, riding on the back of my bike and trying everything her big brother does. We have truly been blessed to have this little girl as a part of our family. Today is a day to stop and remember how lucky we are. This past year has been awesome, tiring (stressful at times - saving the details for an upcoming post), busy, and fun.

My husband, while in China, purchased gifts & we stored them away in a closet. She received the first one while in China & each Gotcha Day we will be giving her a little gift from her birth country until she's 18. Most of the gifts are tiny trinkets (book marks, pens, fans, dolls, etc.). We read about this idea in an adoption magazine & loved it. So today will be the first time we get to give her one of the little trinkets. Fun.

We have a reunion/Gotcha party this Saturday with our travel families (we refer to each other as our China family). Who knew when we started our adoption journey we would also be gaining wonderful new friends? What a bonus! I can't wait to see everyone and celebrate this milestone together.

I'm ending this post with a little quote from one of the main characters in Anne Tyler's new book, Digging to America, as she reflects on her daughters first Gotcha Day (Loved the book BTW).

"When Bitsy looked back on Jin-Ho's arrival, it didn't seem like a first meeting. It seemed Jin-Ho had been traveling toward them all along and Bitsy's barrenness had been part of the plan, foreordained so that they could have their true daughter. Oh, it's you! Welcome Home! Bitsy had thought when she first saw that robust little face, and she had held out her arms."