Goodbye sweet Jake...

Our hearts are broken. Wednesday, our dear sweet Jake was laid to rest. He was diagnosed with hemangio*sarcoma two weeks ago - the news was a shock, but we thought we would have a little more time. Sometime between Tuesday evening and Wednesday morning, Jake had a major stroke - he lost his sight and strenght on his left side. He was only 8 1/2. There are no words that can truly express how much we miss him. We miss his cuddles, his happy greeting at the door, his gentle nature, his unconditional love, his heavy breathing, his clicking nails on the Per*go floor, his yellow fur EVERYWHERE, his soft scent, his soft fur, his soft eyes. I can't believe how much it hurts to loose a dog. He wasn't just a pet, he was a member of our family.

I had brought Jake home as a surprise birthday gift for my husband. A few months before my husband's birthday, his parents died in a car accident. He was in a dark place and I had read about the therapeutic benefits of pets. Jake was such a special pup, he helped my husband heal and grieve. What an angel.

Not long after Jake joined our family, I became a SAHM. So, for 7 years Jake has been with me everyday, all day. What a huge loss. I am so used to talking to him, calling his name, letting hime in and out, getting stuffed animals out his mouth, giving him dog cookies and battling with his dog hair. There is a 100+ pound furry void in our home. To quote my son - "I want Jake back."

**I read a short story years ago that was to answer the question Why dogs lives are so short? I'll try to summarize it to the best of my memory: We are all put on this earth to learn the most important lessons in life - mainly unconditional love. Dogs learn this lesson immediately, but stick around for a while longer so man can learn by their example. **

Goodbye my sweet Pup, we will miss you always.

Do your friends and family know?

Recently, and incident came up that the link to my blog was accessible (would have taken some clicking around to find it - long story) to friends and family. Delete, delete, delete! I panicked. Not panic in the literal sense, but quickly worked to get the link removed (another long story). I even made my blog private for a few days, preventing any savvy friends or family from being able to read my blog. What's the big deal, right? Well, I haven't shared my blog with any 'real life' family or friends, except for my husband and KatieJ (and Stephanie, but we met via blogging).

I like the idea of having the ability to vent or share, without having to censor what I vent or share about. My blog is a place where I am able to write openly and send it out into the big world and see what happens. There's something that I find therapeutic about putting my feelings out there - like purging/cleansing/releasing or whatever you want to call it - sort of like therapy, without the copay or making an appointment. Does that make sense?

So here's my question: Do you share your blog with 'real life' family and friends? If not, why? If so, do you regret it?

racism and friends

First, I want to start off by saying a few things that I've learned from being a mother. One, when my child(ren) hurts - it hurts me more. Two, when someone hurts my child(ren) - I want to go for the jugular. Three (since my daughter is of a minority race), when someone says nasty racial remarks/jokes - I am offended (Seriously offended. 10X more offended than if something was said about me.). Which leads me to my story...

I have a friend, M, who is really nice, thoughtful and fun to hang out with. We live in the same town, our husbands get along and we have kids of similar ages who also like playing with each other. But. But, she is known to make derogatory remarks about black people (and she uses the 'N' word, GULP). Not daily, but often enough. Seriously. When she uses the 'N' word, she'll turn to me and try to explain that she doesn't feel that way about "Chinese people" just blacks. She'll then say "you know what I mean". My response is "well, ummm, no, not really - I'm not racist." This is a concept she has a real hard time accepting/understanding. In a diplomatic, but not so effective, manner I've tried to help her understand that I am uncomfortable when she uses racial slurs.

As a white woman, I have never had to personally experience prejudiced behavior. Don't get me wrong, I've experienced torment for many things as a child. I grew up (until high school) very poor while going to a 'rich' school, on a free ride. I know what it's like to be different. But, these racist slurs and/or jokes that fly out of M's mouth make me crazy. I really like this person otherwise. That must sound insane, huh.

I'm not unrealistic, I know I can't change someone else's behavior, but I'm at a loss. Our families get along, and she treats my children very well, but I'm not sure what to do. Honestly, this behavior seems so out of character for this person. It wasn't until we became good friends that I guess she felt comfortable enough to show this side of her - at which point, I liked her and her family. I mean, really, if such comments flew out of her mouth on one of our first encounters, I wouldn't have given her the time of day. But, that's not the case. I am trying to see past this. Do I just let it go?

Not my finest hour....

Let me start off by saying that I am very proud of my daughter, her heritage and how she joined our family. I think adoption rocks and I'm very open about it. However, I do get annoyed when we are out and about, doing normal family things, and strange(rs) feel the need to quiz us on our family planning choices.

You'd think that I'd be used to it by now, but seriously, the older Allie gets, the less I appreciate the questions. Not only because we are just going about our life, I don't want our daughter to feel like a spectacle or accessory without the right for privacy. Just because our family came together in an nontraditional way, we are just an average family and I really don't feel the need to be an open book. All. The. Time. When my daughter isn't around and adoption comes up, I'm all about it - very open to questions and willing to share my views on adoption and how it's an awesome way to build a family. The only details I avoid are about Allison's abandonment, since they are for her to divulge, if she ever chooses to do so.

So, whenever we are approached and asked (although we're never asked) to play the adoption, why China 20 questions game, I always try to remain gracious and polite, mainly for my daughters sake. But, that doesn't mean that I'm not thinking about what I'd really like to say about their lack of social graces.

Usually the conversation starts goes like this:
Strange(r): staring at the white woman (me) with Asian child (Allie)
Me: avoiding eye contact or just blow off with brief smile
Strange(r): "Your baby is cute" ignoring my 'cute' son if he's there (but, that's not what the conversation is really about)
Me: "Thank you"
Strange(r): "How old is she?"
Me: "Two" or "Two, and my son is seven" (if Brent is with us) I'm feeling it....here it comes...
Strange(r): "Where is she from?"
Me: "China" or lately, Allison sometime responds "China baby, yeahhhhh!"
Strange(r): either ends conversation, or continues with their story of folks they know who have adopted, or asks intrusive questions - often questioning why I didn't adopt from the US.
Me: try to act like an air-headed-distracted mom who has to run (although it's not a far stretch), all the while keeping a friendly tone and smile plastered on my face.

Rewind to last week, a review of my finest hour (NOT):
location: grocery store - with Allie in the cart (Brent's in school)
Strange(r): doing the stare
Me: not taking the bait, avoiding eye contact. I have PMS and Allison is squirmy in the cart - closing in on naptime. I'm trying to make it to the checkout before the meltdown.
Strange(r): pushes her cart next to me and says "Where's she from?"
Me: thinking 'Huh, no segway? Humor me please.' My PMS-y reply "our hometown"
Strange(r): "What country?"
Me: still PMSing "Why do you ask?"
Strange(r): "Oh, I have a grown daughter from Korea and two beautiful new grandchildren from Korea."
Me: Gulp! Looking for exit or hole to climb into. From there I did a real bang-up job trying to back pedal out of my ignorant comment. Good God, the only time I've ever been flip, is to another a-parent AND grandparent. Could I have felt like a bigger ass? Let me answer that - NOPE.

Note to self: even if PMSing - BE NICE!