If I never again, I'll be better for it...

Yesterday we had my sister J's intervention. Not something that I ever want to do again - I'm not a fan of confrontation. No professional was contacted, but we did do our homework on how to host (sounds like a party) an intervention - from the ambush, letters, expectations, immediate treatment options and consequences. The big consequence if she didn't accept our help was legal action to get K out of her care.

J seemed relieved and she agreed to all our our expectations. As of today, she has made the first steps to getting well. She is at my parent's home now with K and no access to, well, anywhere without supervision since she is sans vehicle and license.

Oh yeah, and of course crack-head-good-for-nothing boyfriend (K's dad) has been calling and bullying J since she was the only paycheck between the two of them. He has said that we have "brainwashed her" and that she "has left him to die alone in the hotel." Yep, that was our goal (sarcasm here).

Keeping my fingers crossed.

First day of preschool

OK, the last two posts were a little negative, so I needed to post something positive. The title of the 'Saint I am not' post has a little story behind it that I'll be sure to share later - it has to do with my mother & her praying the finish off of her rosary beads.

After a zoo-of-a morning getting pony tails in, hunting for lost shoes, shoveling in breakfast, teeth brushing and picture taking.... Miss K had her first day of preschool. I've provided a little glimpse of the munchkin with her pigtails. Boy, was she squealing with excitement. My other sister, K, went out yesterday & bought my neice, K, new shoes, clothes and winter coat for her first day of school (in the picture, K was stomping her feet so she could see her new sneakers light up - sweet).

**Off topic: my Mom, step-Dad, sister and I will be having a little intervention with J this weekend. The cards will be placed on the table with what we are willing to help her out with - of course, her drug problem will be addressed. If she doesn't acquiesce, we will step in legally on K's behalf. Scott will be taking the kids out for the sh!t-hitting-the-fan party.

A saint I am not

Since K has been here my patience has been tried a hundred times over. Every day has been a challenge. Juggling two toddlers a 9 yr old, with activities, homework, work schedules and everything else that comes along with parenting, I'm exhausted. I had no idea that one extra child would kick my arse. By time the kids go to bed, I'm nearly dragging myself to my bed & flopping, often without even changing clothes (I'm lucky to brush my teeth). My kids are also showing signs of emotional wear from K's neediness - I'm reminding them daily to stop parenting her.

Probably my greatest challenge has been having to control my feelings about my sister. J cleans houses and gets there by walking from the seedy hotel each morning to get a ride from a coworker. She calls my house daily from the people's homes where she is cleaning. (!!!!!) Seriously - what is beneath my sister? Back to my frustration. I keep composure with J because she can be impulsive and spiteful with little care of anyone, so I tread those waters lightly not wanting her to say, I'm (pestering someone for a ride) coming up there & getting my daughter. If it were to come down to that we would have to get Children & Family Services involved, get an attorney & Lord knows what headaches that would entail.

So, I bite my tongue when I have to buy K socks, pajamas, clothes, toothbrush because she doesn't have any. I bite my tongue when I helped K out of the van a few days ago and she says "Cops are nice, they help me out of the car...Cops are nice...they took my mommy's car...daddy went to jail" or when we're in the car playing a kid's CD & K says my favorite song is W0manizer by Spit-in-me Beers (get it?). Not to mention the umpteen times she has said "Shut up....This sucks...You're stupid" or any other lovely words that fly out. I cringe. I act as if all is well when dingbat J calls even though I feel like chewing her a new one.

And lastly, evidence to prove I'm no saint. If you asked me if I cared about what people think of me, I'd answer 'No'. However, that statement isn't all true, because many times this week, I have been embarrassed by K's actions in public. I know this is terrible to think this way about an innocent little girl (as I said, I'm no saint), but it's true. Example: while waiting for my son to finish his guitar lesson last night, K was lying on the floor, taking off her shoes & socks, sticking out her tongue at me, jumping off the steps (that has a bold sign above that says 'Keep children off the steps') as she was telling me to "shut up" and squealing as she ran from me, I wanted to say aloud "come on honey, let's call your mommy" just so those watching our dysfunctional circus would know that I'm not her mom. And by the way, I had my daughter at the dr's yesterday and she acted the same way and even the pediatrician stepped in & corrected her. A loooooong day.

I feel frustrated, and guilty because I feel that way. I feel horrible because I say 'No' to K so many times throughout the day. I try to redirect, but I'm not very successful at that. I could use a drink, and I'm not much of a drinker. Maybe just an afternoon away and a pedicure would suffice.

Note: Next week's activities K will be going to my mom's.

And one more makes THREE....

Wow, where to begin? My sister, J, is a mess. Serious mess. J is the mother of four kids, three by her husband, who she divorced 6 yrs ago & one by the drug-addicted boyfriend, M, who she was sleeping around with while she was still married. Get all that? Like I said, she's a mess. Thankfully she left her three children with her husband who is a hard worker and dedicated dad - she had never been in any shape to care for her kids - she also is a drug addict. That leaves K, my sister (and M's) 3 yr old daughter.

Over the last 6.5 yrs since J left her husband & three older kids, she has bounced from one apartment to another, one job to another and is always finding herself in a bind, asking my parents for cash, rides, food or whatever. She and M do not have driver's licenses (both revoked) or a car - due to lifestyle and choices. As of last summer J, M & K have been living in a one bedroom apartment with 'friends' who are fellow drug users & heavy drinkers. Then in December, J calls my mom & tells her she is sleeping on someone's couch and that she & K needed somewhere to go. My mom picked them up, provided them with food & clothes and offered them a place to live. All is well right? Nope, see there's still t he drugs. J & K didn't stay there long.

For the past two weeks J, M & K have been living in a seedy motel room with another 'friend' - one room, one bed and three drug-addicted adults and a three year old girl. Not good. So last week, after several sleepless nights, Scott & I decided to track J down and offer for K to stay with us until she gets her life in order. Which could be three months or never. She willingly agreed - she seemed relieved that she didn't have to deal with the responsibilities of a child anymore.

Needless to say, because of J's lifestyle, we don't have a close relationship - which means we have had to really get to know K since they moved in with my mom & over the past few days. Sadly, the neglect is really evident in her lack of social skills & poor diet. We are having the battle of wills to allow her to exist on milk & buttered noodles or candy.

Our little man is feeling bombarded with little girls & we've allowed him to have his boundaries & space (girl free) and he seems satisfied with that. Our little lady is having fun with a constant friend (who is learning how to interact & enjoying it), but will sometimes turn to me & ask when K is going home. We're trying to keep the kids busy, so K gets caught up in the fun & then gets worn out for a good nights rest - she seems to be OK that she is here with a bed to sleep in & toys to play with. So damn sad.

What a flipping saga. This seems like a good place to vent & surely they'll be much more venting ahead, and hopefully good stories of progress too.

Drugs suck.