A sad conversation with my 7 yr old
Last night as we were doing our bedtime rituals with my son he started to cry, I mean, really cry. Hard sobbing cry. After a few minutes of me holding him, I was asking him what was making him so sad. At first he didn't want to tell me, but he then started to talk. "I don't want you to ever go and live with God" he told me, as the tears were pouring down his face. Holy crapola, I didn't see that coming.
Sometimes (OK, often) I am really unarmed and unprepared for what pops up as a parent. Brent has always been a deep thinker, and has asked tough questions, but this one really caught me by surprise. Usually, I can feel his curiosity stirring and I have a little time to think about how to handle the situation, but not this time. What a terribly sad and heavy thought for a little guy. I am so glad that I coaxed it out of him - I would hate the thought of that weighing so heavily on his mind.
So, I rocked and held him tight for a long time and then told him that I don't plan to go and live with God until I'm very old "like 100," to a 7 yr old 25 is ancient, and that I drive as safely as possible, wear my seatbelt, don't smoke and try to take good care of myself. I also let him know that people worry about their loved ones and that I worry about him too - I worry that he looks both ways before he crosses the street, that he doesn't talk to strangers and so forth. I tried to assure him that I intend to be around to pester him until he is a grandpa. This seemed to help a little, but I wish I could think of something to say that will bring him comfort. Any suggestions?
Labels: kids
posted by Tammy @ 3:02 PM
7 Comments
7 Comments:
None from me. My girl keeps asking about on of my dogs and "where has she gone?" Gulp!
I suppose that my only suggestion is to completely normalize your son's feelings for him (which, it seems you've already done) and make it feel "ok" to talk about such things. Keep an open door, you know...I think that kids have a lot of questions/thoughts etc & it is so important for them to know that it is ok to ask & externalize vs. "keeping things inside". Seems like you've done that with your son...
What a sweetheart you've got - sensitive and able to express his feelings. I think that is awesome.
Hugs, you.
It is very hard. I have had to explain to Leah in the past month and a half why two of our friends has died and why her godmother just had a miscarriage. I did the whole "not until I am very old" conversation. She seemed comforted. I hope Brent is feeling better too.
- Stephanie
www.mesocrafty.wordpress.com
I think you handled that so well. When I think of being a parent, I don't think about moments like that really. I guess I'll need to, huh?
My son prays to God when he wants to talk to his fish that died. That's about as far as I've gotten with it all. I think you are doing great! What you told him is perfect. He doesn't need to reach a higher plane of understanding at this point. Just know that mommy will be ok.
Tammy, you did a great job. Thanks for passing that on so I'll be prepared when Buttons starts asking.
Wow! Sounds like you did a beautiful job.
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