YEAR OF THE DOG...

Happy Chinese New Year!! Yesterday we attended our adoption agency's Chinese New Year Celebration at the Valley Forge Convention Center. They had so many fun activities for the kids. There were puppeteers, clowns, face painting, Chinese dance lessons, hula hoop contest, a "year of the dog" craft project, ice cream sundae bar, a buffet of Chinese and American food, family portraits, a raffle to help raise funds for a new orphanage, a handprint quilt project, Chinese craft vendors and a vendor selling books on adoption and the Chinese culture. There was dancing, dancing and more dancing. What an event!

The festivities may have drawn everyone to the event, but the party was the most fun. Never have I been in a room with so many wonderful people (I would guess over 1000). One would think that such a large event would just be impersonal, but strangely enough it wasn't. Everyone was open and warm and friendly. Sitting on the floor and watching the puppet show, we were surrounded by people we've never met, but we talked and laughed with each other as if we were old friends. The conversation was easy & abundant and the love in the room was almost tangible. At one point during the party I was overwhelmed with the signifcance of the day. The place was packed with families who looked just like ours and how awesome that must be to the older kids. It was great to see Chinese kids (of all ages) so happy and well adjusted and just having a blast. (We even tried to recreate the "red couch photo" on the red carpet, but the kids had their own agenda. 11 of the 14 babies were at the celebration. It was great to see everyone & afterward we migrated to the home of a family from our travel group - we just weren't finished partying.) I hope the pictures do it justice.

I'm already looking forward to next year...

6 Months Ago Today....

GOTCHA DAY.....

SIX MONTHS LATER.....

Wow, has it been 6 months already? Sometimes I wonder where the time has went, it seems like just yesterday we were waiting for our referral and strangely enough, I can't remember life without her. Allison has brought so much joy and sweetness into our family. We are truly blessed! The last six months have been wonderful, exhausting, crazy, hectic, fun & much more.

We love you Sunshine!!!!!

Do you love them the same?

Over the holidays I was asked this question by a relative. What they were referring to was the love that I have for my bio son & adopted daughter. At first I was slightly offended by the question & surprised that someone would ask me that. Then I realized that they struck a nerve because I stewed over this question for many nights before Allison joined our family. Could I love another child as much as I love Brent? I knew I had opened my heart and was ready to receive our daughter, but in all honesty I was scared that I couldn't love her as much. Added to my fear was guilt that I had such thoughts. At times I wondered if I should even be adopting if I wasn't absolutely sure.

Then came the moment of truth (so I made myself think) - Gotcha Day. I would love to say that the moment I first held Allison I immediately felt the motherly love and an instant bond. Well, that Hallmark moment wasn't exactly how it happened. I was sooo excited to finally meet her & was overwhelmed with emotion - but, I didn't know her. Over the next month I was in a fog with a new baby (who was old enough to already have a personality, fears, likes & dislikes). And so we entered the get-to-know-you stage. We all had to adjust to this new little person in our family and Allison slowly learned to trust us and became comfortable in her new environment. Allison's fears slowly turned into trust and the fog started to lift and there, shining through like the sun, was the love - strong and bright and warm.

Now as I look back on how Brent & Allie came into my life, their means of entry may have been different, but that's it. The new baby fog, the get-to-know-you stage and the strong bond that developed at a slow and steady pace was there for both children. (A friend described to me how she felt when she recently gave birth to her second son - "the love I have for son #1 has the familiarity of the relationship I have with my own mom... I can't remember it ever not being there & he's just part of me. Then there's son #2 who is new it's like having a new boyfriend, I am all consumed trying to get to know everything about him & it feels like a high school crush.") So, I'm sure if I gave birth to Allison, I would have had fears during my pregnancy (as I did during the wait for referral & Gotcha Day) worrying if I could love my second child as much as my first child. Even though the love we feel for our first child seems to fill up every inch of space in our heart, somehow (as if miraculously) there's plenty of room for another; however, there isn't any room in my heart for the terms biological and adopted, they're just my kids. Period.

So back to the question... Do I love them the same? YES!

**as a little note about the relative who asked this... She later in the evening confided in me that she and her husband have been battling infertility & they have been considering adoptioning from China & knew that I would give them an honest answer.

Why Blog?

Last year I joined my very first message board - looking for some insight, rumors or just support as we were waiting to receive our daughter's referral from China. I became obsessed with the boards - checking them several times a day, hoping for any morsel of information. Once I started to surf the MSN & Yahoo forums on a regular basis, I was hearing about Blogs, Blogs, Blogs. What the heck is a Blog? I hadn't ever heard of the term Blog, nor did I understand the point of one. Well, surfing the message boards then evolved into following people's adoption stories through their blogs - still not quite understanding the point of it all, but engrossed nonetheless.

Why start my own Blog? Is this a creative outlet, a political forum, a soapbox for me to express my opinions about life's questions? Did I start this to put my feelings out there into cyberspace for others to view? Well, maybe yes and no. I think I wanted to start a blog as a creative and therapeutic outlet, a way to keep an online journal, maybe have input from others, or just to vent whenever I feel that I need to. I will probably share this link with family & friends (not sure if they will understand the point of it all). Who knows? I'll see how this goes...