bittersweet

Last Friday was my graduation day (as I mentioned in the previous post). It was such a proud moment for me, as I fiddled my way through college many years ago and never finished. Nor did I ever pick a major, I was pursuing a bachelor's in Liberal Studies (could that be any more generic?) because I didn't know what I wanted to do when I grew up. But that's a whole different post.

So back to the proud moment - I was up on the stage feeling a sense of accomplishment (sporting my "Marcus Welby" outfit - ha! ha! J.) and I heard Allison SHOUT out (stressing the shout here) "HI MOMMY!" - then as we were leaving the stage I see Brent waiting in the isle with a dozen roses and he says "YEAH, I GOT MY MOM BACK!" Ouch! There it was, big as life, what it took for me to be there - pushing my kids aside as I had to study, write papers, read or fly out the door to another clinical day/experience. My family was really strained over these past few years. The guilt of being so checked out nearly killed me. I HATED telling my daughter, "No, I can't read another book to you, I have to study" or saying to my son, "Sorry I can't come help out in your school" or "I can't play a game with you, I have a paper to write". Not to mention telling the hubster "No, I'm not in the mood" All. The. Time. (OK, TMI)

God, I'm so flipping glad it's OVER. Now, I get to go to work and come home. That's it. No crap hanging over my head that's due the next day. No tests, papers or last minute bull crap to hand in and be graded. Hallelujah!

BTW, I'll always remember seeing my kids cheer for me - brings tears to my eyes just thinking about their sweet little faces out in the crowd.